day 6

I really want to give up. It seems like no matter how well I plan, my plans will be thrown out the window simply because they're not convenient for everyone else.

"We'll pick you up at 1:30 tomorrow and go to Cora's for breakfast."
"Ok, awesome, I can have a small breakfast at 11:30 when I wake up, work out for an hour, then skype boyfriend while getting ready, and have a fruit crepe at Cora's."

-next day-
11:30 am:
"Be ready in 15 minutes, we're going to Denny's."
"Denny's? Really? Ok well maybe I'll try to have a healthy breakfast there..."
-family proceeds to order me a super fatty breakfast while I'm in the bathroom and I can't bring myself to ask the server to change it-
"I'll just have a super healthy dinner."

"So are you going home or coming with us to hang out at our house? We've missed you so so much, but you can go straight home if you want."
"Well shit. I guess I'm going with you. It's ok, mum will pick me up around 5:00 when she gets off work and I'll tell her to just not go down into the basement for ANYTHING until I'm done."

5:30:
"Mom where are you?"
"Oh, I was just going to cook dinner for your step dad and I, and then I'll come get you later, ok?"
"Sure.... I can maybe try and keep them both out of the basement... and later usually means like.. 7:30 so I'll still have two hours before I skype with boyfriend..."

8:30
"Mom wtf where are you?!"
"Oh I'm doing some stuff for work. I'll be there in about half an hour."

9:30
"Hi, I'm here to pick you up!"
"This is an hour later, not half an hour."
"Oh, I'm just going to stay and talk to your grandparents for half an hour."
"Whatever."
-They proceed to talk for a fucking hour-

So yeah. I'm getting close to giving up. Starting is the hardest part though, right? I honestly feel like the most disgusting creature on this planet. I don't know how boyfriend stands to look at me naked. He's a brave soul. I know I can't do it. The mirror is my worst enemy and I honestly do my best to avoid it. I currently have no idea what I look like naked but I know it's probably terrible.

Tomorrow I'll keep trying.. but it'll probably just end up a whole mess again.